I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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