Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
