last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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