I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize