Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
