just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
