he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize