I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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