the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
