when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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