Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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