Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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