GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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