I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
