i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
