She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Someone shit on the floor
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
