i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
