just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
