Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
