Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
