somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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