Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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