I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
