This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Randomize
