i wish starbucks made bloody marys
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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