when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
