ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
