??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
