maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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