Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
