Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize