the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
