Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
