I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize