i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
