p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
