Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
