YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
