she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
