and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
