end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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