So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
