Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
