I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this boner is exhausting
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
