Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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