You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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