I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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