I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
