Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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