My brain says no but my pants say off.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
