I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
