If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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