I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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