What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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