He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
