i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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