Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
