the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
