I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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