He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
