So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
