She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
