rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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