would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
