Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
