it hurts more in the daytime
time to smoke my breakfast
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
