I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
