I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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