I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
