Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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