We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
