dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
