why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
