your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
