Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
