I'm going to jail i love you
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
