i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
